The Fan Fueled Journey of FFXV

FFXV is out today. A game we first heard about 10 years ago. We got our first glimpse in 2006, we saw gameplay trailers in 2011, tidbits of story were dropped every few years and while we waited, we got FFXIII, Versus XIII (which was cancelled and reworked into XV), XIII-2 and Lightning Returns. We met Ignis, Prompto and Gladiolus 5 years ago and watched them fight with a battle system a decade out of date.

And we waited.

We read articles about delays and problems, spin off games and new directors and started to give up hope.

But then we read about voice actors,concept art and heard the music…it was starting to feel real again.

The first time we saw Noctis he looked like a boy who strolled out of Kingdom Hearts and into a real RPG (so much shade), much different from the older although just as brooding young prince we now know as the protagonist in FFXV.

Few franchises command the power and bloodline that Final Fantasy does. Die hard fans that spread across generations each with their own idea of the best game in the series, sentimental attachments to characters, tattoos of the symbols, faces and items that have become synonymous with the biggest, baddest JRPG series in video game history. So when rumors of a modern twist on our favorite classic started to circle XV after a line of disappointing entries, the hype got real in a behemoth way.

There was days worth of twitch streams, 15 hour gameplay videos, reviews written up by every commenter under the internet umbrella and months worth of footage uploaded to youtube on every major game channel.

We’ve been drowning in FFXV coverage all year but the real treat has been the Japanese developer’s titan approach to marketing and immersive events for the fans who have waited a decade to find out just what the hell is wrong with the moody, spoiled, Prince Noctis and why do his chocobros bother to stick around?

Let’s go through the list. Just doing a list because there’s a lot and I’m lazy.

March 2015: Episode Duscae demo released with Final Fantasy Type-0, to remind everyone that this game is still a thing and it is actually happening and probably to encourage gamers to get a feel for the FFXV’s new director, Hajime Tabata, who directed Type-0.

March 31st 2016: FFXV Uncovered Event. This was a no holds bar, it’s really happening, pull out all the stops, make it rain gil, bring out the chocobos event for fans held at the Shrine Auditorium in Los Angeles, a place that has been known to host a little soiree called The Oscars. It was free for fans, live streamed around the world and featured cosplay, youtube stars, and Final Fantasy royalty with more surprises and fan service than you could shake a stick at. (Fifteen, actually. There were fifteen surprises. Because, of course.)

These bomb drops included:

The free Platinum Demo

Epic 3D art collage by Yoshitaka Amano

Free tie-in six episode anime: Brotherhood

Kingsglaive prequal movie reveal.

Free Justice Monsters Five mobile game

Reveal of the one of a kind Audi R8 promo car made irl based on the royal carriage in the game.

Florence and the Machine collab album and new trailer featuring her cover of Stand By Me.

The reveal of the collector’s edition, only 30,000 available through the Square Enix store (and the pre-orders sold out that night.)

And the release date (which was spoiled online earlier that day by some douche at Gamespot.) Thanks, jerk. But you didn’t ruin the epic downpour of confetti, hype, screams and tears that rained down on the crowd when it was OFFICIALLY announced.

After the Uncovered event came all the appearances at the worldwide game conventions where for the first time fans got a chance to play a snippet of the real game. Demos were available at E3, SDCC, NYCC, Gamescon, PAX, Pax East, TGS and Paris Games Week.

August 19th 2016: Limited Screenings of Kingsglaive across the US including at the beautiful Ahrya Fine Arts Laemmle in Beverly Hills.

September 7th, 2016: FFXV live in London at Abbey Road Studios with Yoko Shimomura performed by the London Philharmonic. Tickets were free but extremely limited and the legendary studio was packed full of fans who were able to ask the composer questions. The whole event was live streamed for the peasants left outside the doors.


Japanese Fashion Designer Roen (who designed the costumes for the game) released a real life line of clothes based on the outfits worn by the chocobros so you too can look like an emo, boy band prince. Noctis’ backstreet boy shirt can be yours for $1442, his fancy pants are only $817 and his gloves are a steal for $192. Somehow, these all sold out (WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?!?! And do you need a best friend?)

November 22nd, 2016: IGN UK Launch Event. Open to fans who were quick enough to grab some free tickets. The development team was on hand to answer questions in a little tent dressed up like Eos and everyone got a chance to play the new game and score some FF themed cheesy poof snacks. This event was also live streamed around the world so everyone can think about how much they hate where they live.


For a week the upscale restaurant owned by Jamie Oliver, Fifteen (they’ve never been subtle, why start now?) hosted a special menu designed around the game as food will play an important part in boosting stats and recovering after a long day of beating things with your sword with your bros.


November 28th 2016: Japan Launch Event  – with a  “mystery disc” created for the event that included a battle with the Square Enix CEO against Noctis (watch it here ), countdown animated with the characters, a dropping of banners and a storm of silver confetti. A complete and true celebration because we never thought we’d get here, yet here we are, in the year of impossible failures and defeats we have a victory of brotherhood, friends who stand together and travel across vast lands to fight the great fight in the final battle.

You can rejoice and check out the countdown video here

And then THIS fucking trailer drops and it brought down all the feels and I’M NOT CRYING YOU’RE CRYING.

Big shout out to all the teams that never gave up on this game and everyone who put together the free fan events throughout the year. Let’s dive in and no matter how you feel about FFXV be excellent to each other. There’s enough bad guys in the world, we don’t need you to be a douche. Chill out and ride a chocobo.


Kojima’s Top Secret VR porn project revealed

Beloved and often misunderstood game developer Hideo Kojima has been quite the jet setter these days, as any follower on Twitter will notice. After his official dismissal from evil corporation Umbrella Konami, he has been seen shaking hands and making deals with team Sony, makers of the Playstation.

Rumors have been flying as to what his next project could possibly be and true to his constant push of the art form, Kojima is diving headfirst into the latest gaming craze: Virtual Reality.

In order to guarantee VR’s success, Kojima was wise to note we must do what Blu-Ray did to win over an industry, get p0rn involved.

With one of the world’s most famous gaming icons at the helm, Kojima has volunteered to spearhead this momentous project, with himself as the starring role. All fanboys and fangirls of the critically acclaimed designer can choose to play as OR play with the famed Metal Gear creator.

Konami has reportedly pre-ordered the first hundred copies.


*This cake post is a lie. Obvi.

Konami sells Silent Hill license to pachinko manufactors

The once proud staple of classic gaming creations, Konami announced that the next Silent Hill will be one you pay for a few quarters at a time.

Officially taking over the top spot of most hated game studio, overtaking EA’s ten year reign, Konami crushed gamer’s sweet nightmares of the gloriously received Silent Hills with Guillermo Del Toro and Hideo Kojima heading and starring our favorite Walking Dead archer Norman Reedus by cancelling the game over an utter hatred of Kojima constantly swiping from executive’s lunch boxes and sipping their soda when they weren’t looking.

You may remember seeing this image cycle through the internet and getting a warm and fuzzy feeling tingling throughout your body whenever it came through your feed.


But alas, the only Silent Hill game we can expect a future launch of looks more like this:


This reporter would like it known for the record that Konami is dead to me. Deader than James Sunderland’s wife. And YOU killed her Konami. Don’t try to blame the dog.

PS: This cake report is not a lie. But it should be. And you should be ashamed Konami. I hope Pyramid Head corners you in a closet and makes you smell his breath for all eternity.

Tired of ‘too skinny’, Lightning strikes top labels

The fashion industry has long been heralded a proponent of unhealthy visions of anorexic super models. Starved, too thin women who would be put up on a pedestal if their doctors and agents thought their frail bodies would be able to stand the elevation.

The growing popularity of social media has allowed opponents of the unattainable model images to fight back with hashtag wars, anti-photoshop viral posts and tantalizing Pintrest images of ice cream fudge brownie sundaes.

Tired of fighting against the bad press, the leaders of the most bootlegged purse on the planet, Louis Vuitton has teamed up with the most downloaded girl with unnatural hair from Japan (suck it Hatsune Miku.)


Lightning, star of a popular gaming franchise at its lowest popularity peak in its near 30 year history, still managed to release three titles despite the headliner series’ struggles. Many attribute this to her “strong and tough” nature which is what initially drew her fans in and what also resulted in her being discovered in the first place.


When reached out for comment, the model had this to say: